Thoughts from Random People (Vol 2)

• Literally means exactly as you describe, dumbass. "I can't believe
they fired me, I literally put my heart and soul into this job.." No,
no you didn't. Unless you worked at an Aztec temple and they demanded
sacrifice, you did not literally do shit.

• Eating dessert, skipping class, and having sex all have one thing in
common. Once the idea crosses your mind it's almost impossible not to
do it, and if someone else says it out loud, it's 100% going to
happen.

• Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their
profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got
the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if
I do!

• My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads.
Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired
about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us".
Classy, bro.

• It doesn't matter if you are in a relationship or not. Valentine's
Day almost always fucking sucks.

• There's nothing as strong as the bond between two people who usually
don't like each other but have found out they share a dislike for the
same person.

• Fuck you oncoming car with halogen headlights.
• When I'm stir frying and microwaving at the same time I like to
pretend I'm on Iron Chef. "Well Alton it look's like he has added the
sauce packet with only 20 seconds remaining on the microwave timer.
Let's hope he has time for plating."

• Quit calling yourself fat if you are clearly not fat. I am not going
to say you're not anymore. I'm just going to nod and make that ehhhh
kinda sound.

• Those not in a committed relationship, when was the last time you
had sex... sober?