Everyday Thoughts from Random People (Vol 3)

• If I say "You're killing me, Smalls" and the person I'm talking to
looks at me with confusion and doesn't know why I've called them
Smalls, I question why I'm friends with them.

• I think the worst STD you could ever get is babies.

• I wonder when Will Smith will get the script for the Obama biography movie.

• "I heard it through the grapevine" should be replaced with "I saw it
on Facebook".

• Why is "No." the abbreviation for number? There's not even an o in
the word number.

• Capri Suns never had enough juice in them.

• Quit tailgating me, I'll speed up when I finish typing this text.

• Yesterday my mother called me to tell me that she had gone out to
lunch with a bunch of her female friends the day before. During the
lunch one of her friends said "Oh, guess what I did last night?" To
which my mom responded "Took it up the butt?" I don't know what makes
me more proud, the fact that my 55 year old mother came up with
something like that on the fly, or that she felt the need to let me
know.

• I just saw about 5 people I know at the supermarket and managed to
avoid them all. It was awesome.

• Sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them.

• The Sunday struggle: not showering because I want to workout. Not
working out because I really don't want to.

• "Seemed like a good idea at the time" is always the right answer.

• Somehow, no matter how tired I am, going on the computer keeps me up
and alert for hours. Wish class or work had the same effect.

• They still have not found a cure for a hangover. Good luck, cancer.

• Sometimes I wonder if philosophers were actually that much smarter
than everyone else, or if they were just the only ones who remembered
to write down all the cool shit they thought of in the shower.