Everyday Thoughts from Random People (Vol 3)

• If I say "You're killing me, Smalls" and the person I'm talking to
looks at me with confusion and doesn't know why I've called them
Smalls, I question why I'm friends with them.

• I think the worst STD you could ever get is babies.

• I wonder when Will Smith will get the script for the Obama biography movie.

• "I heard it through the grapevine" should be replaced with "I saw it
on Facebook".

• Why is "No." the abbreviation for number? There's not even an o in
the word number.

• Capri Suns never had enough juice in them.

• Quit tailgating me, I'll speed up when I finish typing this text.

• Yesterday my mother called me to tell me that she had gone out to
lunch with a bunch of her female friends the day before. During the
lunch one of her friends said "Oh, guess what I did last night?" To
which my mom responded "Took it up the butt?" I don't know what makes
me more proud, the fact that my 55 year old mother came up with
something like that on the fly, or that she felt the need to let me
know.

• I just saw about 5 people I know at the supermarket and managed to
avoid them all. It was awesome.

• Sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them.

• The Sunday struggle: not showering because I want to workout. Not
working out because I really don't want to.

• "Seemed like a good idea at the time" is always the right answer.

• Somehow, no matter how tired I am, going on the computer keeps me up
and alert for hours. Wish class or work had the same effect.

• They still have not found a cure for a hangover. Good luck, cancer.

• Sometimes I wonder if philosophers were actually that much smarter
than everyone else, or if they were just the only ones who remembered
to write down all the cool shit they thought of in the shower.

Thought's from Random People (Vol 1)

RANDOM THOUGHTS....

• The English language needs a word to describe the situation where
two people start talking at the same time, then both stop at the same
time, then both offer that the other go first at the same time.

• Im pretty sure I get 'self beer goggles'. The more beers I drink the
hotter I appear in the mirror. Sad downfall to reality when I see
those facebook photos of the previous night and realize how awful I
actually look when wasted.

• I'm pretty content with our occasional hookups, at least until
someone better comes around...

• The scariest 10 seconds ever is when you are double checking who you
just sent a text message to... just in case.

• The next girl that complains to me about not having any money, while
carrying a Coach purse is going to get punched in the face.

• I don't understand why everyone with superpowers is either a
superhero or a supervillain. What about superlazy? If I was Spiderman,
I would use my powers to get my ass the remote. Oh, my stupid roommate
left it next to the TV? THWAPP. If I was the Human Torch, I would
never ever wait for my oven to get to 350. I would have Funfetti cake
now. And if I was Mr. Fantastic, well I'll let your imagination run
with that one, but let's just say I wouldn't leave my house often.

• I have the deepest desire for my turn signal to be perfectly in sync
with the person in front of me.

• Me? Oh no. I didn't stay here and let my dreams slowly die in the
same backwater town I grew up in, like you did. I'm just home for the
holidays. Well, it's nice seeing you. Bye.

• When I'm at a bar and I run out of things to say to someone, I'll
often squint at a nearby TV just to make it look like I'm really
concentrating.

• As a former bouncer at a bar, I don't think that there is anything
funnier than turning on the ugly lights at 2am and watching the looks
on peoples faces, as they realize what they are about to sleep with.

• I came to the realization this morning that I don't need Google, or
Wikipedia, ever again because apparently my wife fucking knows
everything.

• Yeah I fucked you. When we make eye contact in a bar the least you
could do is nod and lift your beer.

• Dear snow, Yes, you are very pretty but none the less fuck you.

• I wish my office had a confessional like on the 'Real World'

• I wish Taco Bell delivered.

• I wonder how much of my memory is devoted to song lyrics.

• Verizon Wireless, could you please give me a few more time intervals
to choose from when it comes to the "snooze" option on your cell
phones? Having to hit the snooze button again every 5 minutes is a
terrible joke to play on someone and a complete pain in the ass for
me.

• Do you ever feel like the pharmacists are judging you when you drop
off a prescription?