How did this happen?

My roommate just put me on to the new Rihanna video, "Umbrella," which you can watch below.



I can't say I'm mad at girlfriend's performance (I have never heard bad singing look so good), but I do take issue with the guest "verse" contributed by a certain Def Jam executive. I put "verse" in quotations because I'm not sure Hov's eight bars of mumbled gibberish even merit that title. The guy seems so lazy, depressed, and uninterested in rapping that it's incredible to think that only two years ago he was widely considered the best all-around emcee in the business. I myself argued as much many times, citing his versatility, his inimitable cool, and his unique ability to tread the line between commercial success and artistic integrity. And yet, here he is, limping his way through a verse that would make Juelz Santana cringe.

It's tempting to blame the whole thing on age, as so many have already done, but I'm not sure I'm ready to let Jay off the hook so easy. After all, there are many emcees his age and older who sound hungry as hell anytime they pick up a mic. I mean, if Rakim can absolutely destroy what is basically just a Nike commercial, then there is no excuse for such a poor performance from Jay. Especially on the lead single of an artist under the Def Jam umbrella (pun intended.) I mean, he wants to help sales, right?

More than likely Jay is just burnt out. Which is understandable of course, but then, isn't that why he retired in the first place? In retrospect, he couldn't have picked a better way to go out—classic album, sold-out show at the Garden, the respect and adoration of a public whose hearts skipped a beat every time he jumped on a remix ("Go Crazy," anyone?) But he just had to come back. I guess they all do eventually, but I really think that decision should be motivated by love of the game, not year-end sales quotas. If the love is gone, then homie by all means get on your yacht with your gorgeous woman and just zone out—Lord knows you deserve it. But it's a sad day indeed when the "best rapper alive" gets out-shined by a Covergirl model who sings.

...

That Barbados accent is hot though, huh?