Is Lauryn Hill On the Pipe?

I hope so, because that's the only way I'm gonna give her a pass for this one. Yes folks, Ms. Hill is back, but not with the brilliant album we've all awaited these past ten years. No, she's back with a song on the soundtrack to the animated film Surf's Up.

Lauryn Hill - "Lose Myself"

Damn. I knew this bitch was crazy, but DAMN. It is truly hard to believe that the raggedy-voiced chick singing over this Will.i.am. knock-off track is the same woman responsible for masterpieces like The Score and Miseducation. I thought 'Clef fell off, but I'd bump his Ying Yang collaboration any day over this bullshit.

Maybe Lauryn just likes penguins. Then again, maybe she is certifiably insane and lives only to torment fans with false promises of comeback albums and Fugees reunions. Either way, this is one of the most depressingly unlistenable pieces of music I've heard in a minute. Somewhere, Pras is turning in his grave.

Fuck T.I., it's T.I.P. all day!!!

I feel T.I. on the dual personality shit cuz I go thru the same type of shit (Lawrence vs. LC, anybody who knows me knows the deal), but rightfully so, one of those personalities is gonna be the man and the other is kind of a bitch, for lack of better phrasin'. With that bein' said, throughout T.I.'s career, all of his songs have been kinda gay while T.I.P. has always held it down, which is y albums like I'm Serious and Trap Muzik were the shit (T.I.P. nigga), while certain parts of Urban Legend and King were 'flush down the toilet' type of shit (it's all ur fault T.I.).

From the sampler of his new album T.I. vs. T.I.P. that I've heard, the same story applies. When left to T.I., he makes music that he thinks ppl wanna listen to (WRONG NIGGA!!), while T.I.P. makes dat dope boy music dat got him his real acclaim in the first place.

T.I.P. should take a tip from Fight Club, maybe if he puts a gun 2 his head and shoot himself, maybe T.I. will die. Good riddens nigga...

Beanie Sigel is more 'Mo Than Kanye and Pharrell

Last week my associate Hook posted a clip of Beanie Sigel raggin' on Kanye and Pharrell 4 the clothes they be wearin', basically callin' them gay becuz they ain't out there in 9x shirts and shorts so long that they look like fuckin' capri pants. Beanie claimed that ppl in the hood don't wear that and they shouldn't look up 2 these dudes. Now first off, Kanye and Pharrell never said they were speakin' 4 the hood, so how u fault dem 4 that. Secondly, u a different type of rapper then dem, so what's cool 2 u may not be cool 2 dem. Now I don't agree wit all da shit they wear, cuz when Kanye wuz on some red carpet wit his chest hairs stickin' out I wuz thoroughly disturbed, but hey that's his decision (also, Kanye, grown men wit big Louis bags is kinda gay, they look like purses).

Now for all the talk of who's gay and who's not, here's an old ass clip of a Peedi Crakk freestyle that showcases Beanie doin' some overly gay mannerisms around Peedi. After watchin' this, it begs the question, is Beanie gettin' on the dudes (no pun intended), cuz he secretly likes men??

By the way, I'm still lookin' 4ward 2 his album... The Becoming wuz the shit...

Hook's Original Blog
Beanie Gay?

The Evil Genius

R.Kelly's new album is coming out in 3 days. Prepare Yourself.

All I have been waiting for is T.I. vs. T.I.P. to come out b/c it's going to be a classic, but momentarily, it is going to have to take a backseat to Double Up, another classic installment in the Pied Piper's extensive discography.

So, R. Kelly is the classic example of separating the man from the music. You have to. He knows that he is rediculous. We know he's rediculous. That's the fun of it all. He knows he can sing absolutely anything and not only will it sell, but it will sound great and be oh-so catchy.

Between the gazillion remixes he has been on in the past 6 months (and killed each one, by the way), and his own "I'm a Flirt (Remix)", I can't wait for Tuesday.

Luckily for myself and all the other music fiends out there, the album leaked 4 days ago. I have only 1 song, and let me just say I'm floored.

Title: "Sex Planet"

Description: A 5:35 minute opus using every possible metaphor connecting space and sex. (Think Ignition, but better-- there are so many more things in space than a vehicle)

Sample Lyric:
"Girl I promise this will be painless, painless/
We'll take a trip to planet Uranus, anus"

You have to hear it to believe it. I'm laughing outloud just writing that down.

Here. Listen to it right now. (Props to Idolator.com for the leak)

"Sex Planet"

3 Days.

The best and worst producer-rappers of all time (part 1 of 3)

Young hooks's article about his abhorrence of Kanye's rapping got me thinking about producer-rappers. I'm not the hugest Kanye fan but he's a great producer and I'd even say I can respect him as a rapper, especially among the handful of other garbage MC's, like MIMS, that are constantly being flushed through the mainstream.

But Kanye's accomplishments are even more impressive if we consider what it entails to be, as Dre said in "Gin & Juice": "a producer who can rap and control the maestro at the same time." From a business standpoint, producer-rappers occupy the ultimate position of artist autonomy in hip-hop, and perhaps in music in general. That explains why often producer-rappers are also entrepreneurial company heads, like Master P and P Diddy. Hip-hop players like them control the output of the product from beginning to end, from market potential to song design to song creation, and ultimately to marketing the song en masse. They also get full royalty payments--copyrights belong half to the 'writer' and half to the 'producer,' meaning that a producer-rapper reaps in all the cash.

So in general a producer-rapper avoids getting done in by major labels. He also streamlines the creative process of music, avoiding the power struggle that can emerge between the lyricist and the musical mind, which arises especially as a duo becomes more popular (Dr. Dre/Eazy-E during NWA is a prime example). In essence there is no room for "creative differences" that so commonly extinguish groups before they reach their full potential.

And lastly, we have to recognize the tremendous amount of talent that producer-rappers possess. They are the singer/songwriters of rap, having the ability to both compose music and complement it with a display of lyrical mastery. Think about it. Most people can't rap. Of those who can, most rappers can't rap well. And even people who rap well oftentimes don't reach our ears because they, for some reason or another, can't penetrate the industry. When they do, how many of them can produce as well?

Conversely, making quality beats is extremely difficult, requiring intensive knowledge of music theory, hip-hop, other genres (for samples/pastiche), and technology. Few producers have time, energy, or talent for perfecting their writing and rapping skills. Most producers stick to the music because good production is in such short supply, whereas all you need is vocal chords and familiarity with a language to be a rapper (also, alcohol and weed help).

So, even if a rapper's beats can get sloppy or a producer's rapping can be subpar at times, we have to respect producer-rappers. They control their careers and artistic process more than most artists, and display immense talent and/or market savvy.

I was originally gonna list out the best and worst producer-rappers in this article, but it looks like I had a lot to say introducing the subject. So part 2 will be the Best; part 3 the Worst. You can all help me now in listing out all the producer-rappers. I brainstormed the ones I could think of, which are below. But I don't wanna forget someone and look like an idiot. So let me have 'em!

Producers who can rap and control the maestro:
Dr. Dre, DJ Quik, Daz Dillinger, J-ZONE, J-Live, El-P, Lil' Jon, Eminem, Benzino, MF DOOM, Madlib, Jermaine Dupri, P Diddy, Devin the Dude(?), Jaz-O (?), Timbaland, Havoc of Mobb Deep

Def Jam About To Go Broke!!

In the last few years, with the sales of most major hip hop related projects dyin' down, u can tell that record companies r losin' faith in their artists with the low budget videos bein' filmed, the almost zero real promotion goin' in these projects and the number of one hit wonders as opposed to long lastin' artists. With that bein' said, I was lookin' at the supposed track listin' for Fabolous' new album From Nothin' To Somethin', and I was thinkin' 2 myself, this has to be the most expensive fuckin' album I've ever seen put together. Now that means one of 2 things, either Def Jam (i.e. LA Reid 'cause Jigga don't really do nuttin' over there), has completely lost its damn mind, or they really think that Fab can move those kind of units 2 make up for that fact that if this album came out in the last 2, 3 years, they go broke. I mean shit, with all that damn personnel, I expect to see so many Fab posters around that I can't a shit in my own house with hearin' about him, but nope, I haven't got that feelin'. Just one mediocre, customary song for the ladies, "Make Me Better", another mediocre, customary song about ice, "Diamonds" (brilliantly titled, sike), and another mediocre, customary song about hustlin, "Return Of The Hustle" (fuck it, I like that song). I mean, Def Jam better say a lot of Hail Mary's for that album 2 sell...

Track Listing
"Make Me Better"
"Diamonds"
"Return Of The Hustle"

Best Child Rapper Ever

When we think young adolescent rappers who are the first that come to mind? for many its probably Bow Wow and little Romeo. For me it's Shyheim and Shyheim again in that order. Yea Bow Wow made hits like"Ghetto Girls", but Shyheim made Hip Hop classics that will live on for true heads forever. For all you closet Bow Wow fans out there be clear! "Bow wow: that's my name" is not a classic. In 1994 Shyheim released "Shyheim a.k.a the Rugged Child" and made his splash in the music industry. Being only a youngster myself when I heard his cassette tape...yes that's right CASSETTE TAPE a friends brother had given me I was totally blown away. I remember sitting in my bed at night amazed that a kid could rap like this. "On and On" the albums best song and single earned Shyheim respect from rap fans and industry heavyweights alike. I mean dude was put on by Ghostface, and on every track he ever spit on whether it was with Wu-Tang, or Big Daddy Kane he held his own. He released this album at around 14, and his soft prepubescent voice spewed out lyrical gems for 15 tracks. Shyheim's voice is what really got you, cuz it made you listen and only further reiterated he point that this kids soul, flow and consciousness were ahead of his time. I'm not gonna give you this guys complete bio and discography. Hopefully I sparked interest enough for you to seek out some of his later underground and mainstream releases. It's always better to stumble upon dope music on your own than have someone lead you to it, at least in my opinion. Anyways if you haven't heard him before I know you've seen him. Old boy has been in a few movies like "The Preachers Wife" and "Original Gangstas", which unfortunately is actually a pretty fair portrayal of what my old mans hometown is like. I'm also pretty sure he was on that TV show the "Parenthood" a few times too. Please check out Shyheim, he's got a lot of good music out there, so seek it out. I doubt you will be disappointed.

Also I know this has nothing to do with rap, but is anyone else hyped that ESPN Classic is showing old American Gladiators episodes? I know I am. Zapp without a doubt till this day is still the largest woman I have ever seen.

M.I.M.S makes me want to commit a hate crime

Yea the title is fairly crude, but after what I said registered in your brain you prolly shook your head in agreement. M.I.M.S pisses me off mainly because he is one of the worst rappers of all time. He says his name stands for Music Is My Saviour. Well if that in fact is the case, that means his life at one point or another was in jeopardy. With the way rappers lie about their pasts today who knows if that's true or not. Whether he lied or not is for me irrelevant to say the least. I still say we all band together, find M.I.M.S, and finish the job someone else couldn't. I'm talking burning stakes, and pitch forks on some salem witch trials type ish. death by stoning is the only appropriate punishment for M.I.M.S, preferably this archaic slaying should be executed with a deadly barrage of his own shitty CD. Then what he once thought was his saviour will actually be his ultimate demise. What can I say I'm a sucker for irony...or in this case perhaps poetic justice.

If I was going to find some place on the internet where I could bootleg music for free, not that I would EVER do this even if such a place did exist, M.I.M.S couldn't pay me to steal his music. Like whoever bootlegged M.I.M.S album before it officially came out, probably felt like someone who stole an ATM only to find that its filled with Monopoly money. I new M.I.M.S was bad before but after hearing his new single, which I don't even respect enough to link to this blog, not only confirmed his suckiness, but magnified it 1,000 times fold. The same flow, almost same beat, with references to the old single using the same already played out flow. I thought Mike Jones style or lack there of was bad, but I don't know who is less talented at this point. There are 5 year old girls whose shadow puppet performances show more skill and creativity.

I LIKE YOU FOR YOUR BEATS. That's it.

Remember when you'd never heard Kanye West rap? You liked his beats on The Blueprint, State Property, Roc La Familia etc., but for all you knew he was just a dope producer, ala Rocafella's other hitmaker Just Blaze.

But then he got greedy. After The College Dropout blew up, it seemed that any Kanye-produced single automatically came with a verse, or at least a chorus, by the man itself. You didn't particularly like Ye's awkward flow and gargantuan arrogance, but you put up with it because, by and large, the beats were hot. Cut to today, and Kanye's appearing on songs and remixes as a rapper, even when he's had nothing to do with making the beats.

Ne-yo — "Strung Out Remix" ft. Kanye West

T-Pain — "Buy You a Drank Remix" ft. Kanye West

Now this just pisses me off. Throughout the years, there's been an unspoken rule that "producers who rap" generally appear only on records they've produced. Sure there have been a few exceptions, but even producers who I consider dope rappers (Large Professor, Diamond D) almost never guest on tracks they haven't cooked up themselves. For instance, you don't hear Pete Rock dropping verses all over other people's beats, because homeboy understands that his strength lies in producing, and that the only reason people tolerate his amateurish raps is 'cause the beats are fire. So what does Kanye not understand?

Apparently he has convinced himself that he's just as much a rapper as a producer, as he's made clear in various interviews and videos. But just because Kanye says it, do we have to believe it? I for one still haven't warmed to his increasingly obnoxious flow, even if he does occasionally have a punchline or two. Let's not forget how many people there are who can competently "rap;" if we gave them all a major deal the hip-hop industry would implode. And what kind of a producer has the gall to think he can just drop a guest verse on a single and call it a remix? I mean for God's sake homey, get off your lazy, Louis Vuitton-wearing ass and remix the beat. You're a producer; that's what you do. Believe me, nobody gives a fuck about your rapping—we just give you a pass if the track knocks. Now please, put down the mic, and try not to fuck up Finding Forever.

Illest Verse of All Time

I was talkin' 2 my nigga P-Bo and we were choppin' it up about how long we been waitin' 4 Pharoahe Monch's new album Desire, and he went on to say that his verse back in like '99 on "Oh No" with Mos Def from the Lyricist Lounge, Vol. 2 album is one of his favorite verses of all time. This got me thinkin', what's the illest verse of all time. Yea, that's some impossible shit to think about, but I'm LC and iller than u, so I can at least try... biznitches. After I started thinkin' about it, so many verses started runnin' thru my head, like the first verse of Jay-Z's "22 Two's", or the 2nd verse from Biggie's "Long Kiss Goodnight", or the whole damn song of Nas' "It Ain't Hard To Tell". I know whatever I choose right now I'm gonna disagree with like 20 seconds later, but I'ma go out on a limb and say that the illest verse of all time is the 6 bar 2nd verse by Big Pun on "Twinz" from his '98 album Capital Punishment. Start debatin' bitches...

Lyrics:
Big Pun "Twinz"
Jay-Z "22 Two's"
Biggie "Long Kiss Goodnight"
Nas "It Ain't Hard To Tell"
Pharoahe Monch "Oh No"

News Flash: Hip-Hop Is Everywhere

(First and foremost I’d like to wish a happy 35th birthday to Christopher Wallace. I just had a moment of silence, aka not typing for a second and staring at this flashing Word cursor.)

Now onto the big news: hip-hop is officially the most universal thing that’s ever happened. And I know this because of a hilarious slash bizarre slash incredible encounter I had last week on the drive from LA to Seattle (if you ever do that drive make sure that you are in the passenger seat through all of Oregon, that shit is more boring than watching C-Span while eating plain tofu).

In a town called Clear Lake, California (population 13,142), in the parking lot of a humble mom and pop store called Wal-Mart, a gentleman by the name of Destro approached me and Big A. “Yo, you guys like hip-hop?!”

I looked around thinking that this must be an ambush, that some hick was lurking out of sight just waiting to take me out if I said yes. But I gave Destro, an Oakland native, the nod, and he proceeded to give me the pitch on his record. As he spoke I had to hold back laughter—I still couldn’t get over the fact that he was actually in a Wal-Mart parking lot of a hicked out mountain town selling a hip-hop record out of his car.

I declined on the album, but bought the single for two bucks, which actually turned out to be a pretty dope song. Then I popped the question—“you find a lot of rap heads out here?” He said, “man, I sell the most records out in these towns.” I was, and still am, pretty damn shocked. He and his partner Slowe Burna apparently drive around the greater Gay Area (sorry Hooks, just had to) and slang records to suburbia, even though they are COMING from Oakland, one of the more concentrated cities for hip-hop in the region.

So, in conclusion, I think it is pretty damn safe to say that hip-hop is everywhere. And there’s no. escaping. it.

Check out their myspace page. And here’s their single "Dip Dippin" on mp3. I’m sure they don’t mind me spreading the word.

Other updates:
1. In related news, I found an article about an allegedly emerging genre called hick-hop. I didn’t read it but maybe you should.
2. I hate Wal-Mart and everything to do with it, but if you happen to wander into it one day check out their shoe section. I got a pretty sick pair of Athletic Works sneakers--couldn't find a picture but believe me they're the shiznit--for $9.95, and don't tell me you can beat that with a whiffle-ball bat because I know you can't.

"Rap music is hurting the young...defend it Russell"

Ever since Russell Simmons released his, now best selling book, Do You! He has attended several talk shows to promote the book, to name a few: O’Reilly Factor, Real Time with Bill Maher and Anderson Cooper 360. However, it’s quite clear that no one he talks to gives a rat’s ass about his book. Every conversation he has quickly becomes a conversation surrounding Russell Simmons recently released statement that “bitch,” “hoe,” and “nigga” should be banned from the radio. The conversation, without fail, then becomes Russell Simmons having to defending rap music against a somewhat ornery host. If you have seen one of the interviews I am refereeing to, then you have seen them all. Almost all the questions are the exact same, and his responses are well thought out and predetermined.

First off, I do not envy Russell Simmons. Though he is extremely rich, and I too would like to be extremely rich, no one man should be asked to defend rap music (unless that man is super). The underlying problem with all the interviews, is an extreme lack of knowledge on the part of the host. (Analogy: Though I do not necessarily agree with our position in Iraq, am I going to grill the secretary of defense on the war. NO! Quite simply because I don’t know what the hell I am talking about--other then what I see on the news.) So, the interviewer, who doesn’t know hip-hop from hopscotch, is reflecting entirely on the rap music that is displayed on MTV, BET and “the radio.” This is an extremely small portion of hip-hop, and if I can be frank, some of the worst that hip-hop has to offer.

With that being said, does the blame not fall on: MTV, BET and “the radio.” Doesn’t the main problem have to do more with the executives who control media, then with rappers and musicians? They (media companies) are making a ton of money, at a cost to our society, by pushing certain types music… simply because sex, violence and drugs sell. Rappers can make the most violent and ridiculous music in the world, but if it doesn’t get on the TV or radio, chances are it will not have a noticeable impact on anything. So let me point a giant finger at, not the rappers, but TV and Radio… I hate you. You pollute this country with trash and filth… Stop It! (Sorry, I got a little heated while writing this)

To 'Be' the one to 'Find Forever'

Now with all the damn internet leaks goin' on these days, it's hard 2 get excited 4 an album because basically the whole damn album is out b4 u get a chance to get hyped 4 it. But, in one special case, all the internet leaks for Common's new album Finding Forever has made me that much more amped 2 hear the shit. Now, I've been a Common fan since day one, and I believe he's had one of the most consistent careers in hip-hop history, but I will also admit that there have been times in his career where I've thought Common was a complete pussy (and I say that in the nicest way possible).

For example, Electric Circus was the biggest piece of excrement I've had the displeasure of listenin' to, and some of his songs always make me feel like he's tryin' to hard to be some spiritual leader that's gonna stop all the dumb niggas in the world from bein' dumb niggas (these niggas r the reason and definition of y the word niggas is still bein' used... niggas). But with all that bein' said, when he wants to rhyme, he's nicer than everyone except Jigga, Nas, and... me (let the hate begin haha... i'm only jokin'... maybe), which is y when I heard all the new material, I was amped 2 hear the last 2 songs from the album that I haven't heard yet.

With all that bein' said, biznitches, enjoy all the new audio/video from the Chicagoan...

'Black Maybe' (Produced By Kanye West)
'Misunderstood' (Produced By Devo Springsteen)
'The Game' (Scratches By DJ Premier) (Produced By Kanye West)
'The People' (Feat. Dwele) (Produced By Kanye West)
'A Dream' (Feat. will.i.am) (Produced By will.i.am)
'Southside' (Feat. Kanye West) (Produced By Kanye West)

No Words for This One

Just saw this today and found it hilarious. Props to Nahright for the link.

Madlib & Talib Kweli - Liberation

Just bought a new CD. The CD was released for free on the internet at the beginning of 2007, but was taken off a week later, and I missed out. I wanted to hear it and having no problem supporting the duo, I couldn’t resist buying it. Several hours later, I was not disappointed. Liberation displays the best that both Talib Kweli and Madlib have to offer. Madlib, who I consider one of the best producers in hip-hop, provides a perfect pallet for Talib’s flow. Though the CD is only has 9 songs, it is not filled with annoying interludes or skits, and there are no filler songs that suck. This is one of the best pure hip-hop CD’s I have heard in a long time, and I highly recommend finagling one at any cost. My only complaint would be the quality of vocals. It sounds as though it was made in a bathroom, and very well might have been. But I quickly got over that. One of my favorite tracks after the first listen is “Engine Running” featuring Consequence.

After listening to this CD, I got to thinking. Why don’t more great producers from different background hook up with the best MC’s in the biz to combine there talents and create great music on an entire CD’s. It worked for Gnarles Barkley, Talib Kweli and Hi-Tek, Jaylib, Dangerdoom, (and many more) all of which are quality and unique CD’s. I much rather listen to a CD with the consistent feel of one producer, rather then 3-6.

F*ck a Major

El's post about Joe Budden got me thinking, why the hell does anyone want to be on a major label anyway? It seems like half the time the label either waters down your album by throwing in the requisite club bangers and ladies records (think Fabolous), releases your joint on the low with no promotion (Method Man, Redman) or simply doesn't release your shit at all because they deem you unmarketable (Budden, half the people Dr. Dre has ever signed.) Meanwhile, artists on Koch are releasing albums with total creative freedom and often getting better promotion than their major label counterparts. And to top it all off they're making up to seven dollars per unit.

I mean at this point, does anyone think Joe Budden is happy that he signed to Def Jam? Dude has a proven fan base (the internet loves him, and if I'm not mistaken his debut even did gold numbers) and yet he's been unable to release anything officially for the last four years. If anything Joey probably wishes Def Jam would drop him already, so he can just do what we all know he's gonna do eventually and sign with Koch. All things considered, it wouldn't be a bad look. As I'm sure I don't have to point out, Jim Jones sold over 300K last year on Koch, despite having no rap skills and looking like a Pakistani convenience store attendant. Meanwhile DJ Khaled pimped three videos (!) out of his first album on Koch, Listennn, and his new single "We Takin' Over" looks like it's gonna seriously blow up his sophomore effort.

Or take Styles P. Dude was signed to rap juggernaut Interscope, and what did it do for him? Time is Money, a candidate for most ironically titled album ever, got pushed back a whopping three years, only to drop with no push from the label and the kind of production one would expect from a third-rate Canibus CD. As a fan of Styles's work, I'm happy dude is now on Koch, because I know they won't make him do a commercial single (which he can't pull off), they'll let him work with producers more fitted to his sound (check this new joint produced by Large Pro), and most importantly they'll release his fucking CD. Nobody's expecting Styles's next full-length to do even Jim Jones numbers, but at 5-7 dollars per unit the Ghost is gonna eat regardless.

The way I see it, fuck major labels. Let them have the Young Jeezys, Rick Rosses and Yung Jocs. I'll be checking for my favorite artists on Koch, where they'll get the respect, money and promotion they deserve.

Free Joe Budden!!!

Ok biznitches, now is another time to show why my music IQ is higher than yours and tell you about a mixtape, excuse me album, that you should be bumpin' the millisecond that it hits the streets. Joe Budden is re-in' up with the 3rd installement of the mixtape series Mood Muzik that is better than your favorite rapper's album in the last five years (oh yea, MC Such N Such's album is hot? Joey is better than him!!) So to keep this short and sweet, what you need to do is cop that joint as soon as it comes out, which is sometime this summer.

By the way, Def Jam, what the hell is wrong with you with not puttin' out an album by this dude. I've already been on a tangent in the past about how f***in' ridiculous it is that they would put out 2 albums by Ghostface and an album by Redman (all past their prime), and not give somebody who has been killin' it on the mixtapes from the beginnin' another shot. Yes I know his first album wasn't that that crazy, but if you listen to the first 2 mixtapes of Mood Muzik, you'll see he can make that On Top music. Get with the program Def Jam... Jigga, u f***in' up.

Now, with that bein' said, check out the trailer for the mixtape.... biznitches!!

White man's Burden?

My man Hook's last post on R. Kelly got me thinking, why is no one talking about Jon B? Remember the white dude with the Temp fade who everyone thought was black until they saw him? My friends the question is this. Why is a child molester still relevant, and a guy who goes to the boys and girls club to volunteer, not pick up dates not?

"Cool Relax" (1997) is a record I'm sure you are all familiar with. But that was 10 years ago folks! It all went down hill after that in terms of Jon's promotion, but not the quality of work. "Love Hurts" (1999) wasn't even a blip on the radar, but many great artists are smashed by the sophomore jinx so that's expected. "Pleasures U Like"(2001) was in my opinion one of the Best R&B albums I ever heard. Much better than anything Jamie Foxx, Tyrese, T-Pain, and especially Kell's have put out recently. It was a classic R&B album, you had everything you needed. The party joints that were still smooth, and all the panty droppers you could ask for. Jon B. was the new crooner. I'm not comparing him to Sinatra, but homey was an urban cat, who was straight up unadulterated cool R&B with a hip hop flavor. Jon B. did it with class, and sang songs about love, and lust the right way. He wasn't explicit, a line many urban artists simply don't get. If you were spittin your strongest game to a chick would you say " I'm gonna stick my whole head in it" (Kell's: In luv wit a stripper remix) or " you always know that you're beautiful, but do you see the beauty I see inside you" (Jon B: Finer Things) this track actually featured Nas, take a listen here.

"Stronger Everyday" (2004) his 3rd album can stand alone as a solid project as well. It's clear to me that for the last 10 years when I got a Jon B album I knew what I was getting. Quality music, no more no less. I always knew I would love it when I bought it, and would still love it years later. Jon b. is like going to Mickey D's at 3am. It does the job, and leaves you satisfied at the end of the night. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Kell's is not so consistent and reminds me more of a dirty Chinese restaurant. It's a real roll of the dice. Yea it might have tasted good at first , and it may not be today, or even tomorrow. But eventually your gonna pay out the ass for giving him your business. Which leaves you asking the question was I really even that hungry in the first place?

Unlike Jon B, When it comes to Kelly I really just don't know what to expect at this point. Like I wouldn't be surprised if I heard he tore down a set at the grammy's, or just starred in a German shiza video. I liked the "make it rain remix", and as usual Kelly's verse is fire. But after hearing The Pied Piper talk about how he was " the weatherman" and he was gonna "make it rain" on me, I suddenly found myself in the fetal position shaking with a copy of The Source over my head for protection (I new it was good for something). Then when I thought it was safe to come out, I felt compelled to take bath made of holy water. Literally after hearing certain lines I inevitably ask someone shouldnt he be in jail or something, house arrest, or quarantined? shit this negro must be stopped.

I'm so confident in Jon's work that I challenge you to go out and buy it, and if you don't like it I will reimburse you. For those of you who know me I'm sure this statement comes as a surprise. You should also remember I am a cheater. I only bet when the dice are loaded, the deck is stacked, and I know I can't lose. Secondly, and most importantly I forgot to mention that when I say reimburse, I mean I will pay for approx. 1/10 of the sales tax you feel like you got jipped. Go get the Albums, happy listening.

Has R. Kelly Finally Gone Too Far?

I love me some R. Kelly. There's something about his unique combination of undeniable talent and mind-boggling stupidity that just makes me want to toss my panties on stage and scream "I love you, Pied Piper, take me away!" I mean anyone who can somehow elude justice for six years despite having videotaped himself fucking underage girls has gotta command your respect on some level. That, and the man is a musical genius. Nevertheless, R. Kelly can be a fucking idiot, and I'm not just saying this because he can't read. I was finally forced to admit to myself just what an idiot the "'R' in R& B" is a couple of weeks ago, when I heard "The Same Girl," a duet with Usher from Kelly's highly anticipated new album Double Up.

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Now I've put up with—hell, I've enjoyed—some pretty ridiculous R. Kelly concept songs over the years, from the Mr. Biggs "Bitch you cheatin'" joints to the epic "Ghetto Desperate Housewives" that was Trapped in the Closet. I'm not even gonna front; I own that shit on DVD and I know most of it by heart. But for some reason, this latest scenario is just too much for me to take. Call me crazy, but it just seems implausible. I mean how often does it occur that two people, each living in completely different parts of the country, learn through a chance conversation that they are sleeping with the same female, who is somehow gaming them simultaneously despite a distance of thousands of miles? (My math is like R. Kelly's reading comprehension, but it's gotta be at least that much.)

My other issue with the song is that, once Usher realizes he's fucking Robert's girl (which happens within the first minute) there's nothing left for the two singers to do except express their disbelief at the situation for another three minutes. Whereas Trapped kept us on the edge of our seats waiting to see what ludicrous thing would occur next, here there's nothing to keep the listener's interest (except the singing, which is admittedly dope.) We get it, it's the SAME GIRL.

Of course, if it really is the same girl then Ush might wanna get his lawyer on the phone, 'cause there's a good chance that bitch is not even close to eighteen. But I digress. Anyway, I haven't given up on Kells yet. Yeah, this song is pretty disappointing, but our boy still completely dominated the "Let it Rain Remix" (sorry Wayne) and gave Ciara some much-needed singing lessons on the remix to "Promise." And if that preview on MTV's Sucka Free was anything to go by, Double Up is gonna be hot, retarded concepts and all.

Party Like A Rockstar

That picture pretty much sums up the energy this past friday night in Alumni Hall @ Dartmouth College. In case you didn't read my first post, Gregg Gillis, a.k.a Girl Talk came to Dartmouth and put on one hell of a show. Along with some of my best friends, way too much excitement, and one clutch polaroid camera, the concert/dance party was one of the best I've ever been to.

If you aren't familiar with Girl Talk or his shows, basically when he comes on stage, you think he's the guy that sets up the amps and the microphones. Then, he sets up his two laptops and the magic begins.

Just his two laptops.

For about 90 minutes, he mashed up an eclectic mix of rap, funk, rock, top 40, and everything in

between, and always at a fast enough tempo to keep the party going. 2 minutes into the concert, about 60 people (myself included) came on the stage and got crunk with him.

But not quite as crunk as him.

He went from head bobbing to girating to taking off his shirt to crowd surfing, all while mixing songs like Biggie's "Juicy" with Elton John's "Tiny Dancer". It's so good, don't knock it until you hear it. A good amount of the songs he mixed were from his great album, Night Ripper, but everything sounded fresh.

(Girl Talk = Skinny Biomedical Engineer Dude, Me = Fly Kid w/ the "We Run ATL Shirt")

After the concert, he stayed and talked for about half an hour, and then got crunk on frat row. You can't beat that.

I Love Hip Hop.

For those of you not up on Girl Talk, listen:

"Too Deep"

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And go to Wikipedia's Night Ripper page to see a great breakdown of all the songs he samples in Night Ripper. Once again, Wiki comes through for all pertinant knowledge.

Good Times.

New CD's: 5/15/07

Not a lot of New CD's this week:

The Bone Brothers - Bone Brothers 2
Walter Molder - Omnivore
Ebb - Loona
Davis Coen - Ill Disposition (Blues)

(Dionne Warwick Remaster most of her Music Collection)

Wish there was more... sorry

Fabolous stealin' The Chef's recipes

I was in the club last night, doin' the fly man routine that I've perfected so well, then a particular song came on and threw my whole shit off. Fabolous has got a new song out right now with Ne-Yo produced by Timbaland called "Make Me Better" (listen here), and I realized that Timbaland took the same exact string section from Raekwon's "Rainy Dayz" (listen here) off the Cuban Linx album w/ Ghostface back in '95, and allowed Fabolous 2 make the mushiest song possible out of an originally gutter RZA beat (BLASPHEMY!!). Now I think Fabolous has a lot of lyrical talent (which he doesn't use, but that's another story), but anybody who doesn't even come close to makin' classic material should not be allowed 2 rap over any beat that resembles anythin' from that Raekwon album. Raekwon made arguably (actually, there's no argument bitches) the most unfuckwittable Wu-Tang solo album, or Wu-Tang album for that matter. Granted, Timbaland is one of the greatest producers ever (stop stealin' beats from Finnish producers negro), but next time before he even thinks of givin' a beat out like this, make sure the rapper gets respect in the hood (the 1% that's out there), and make sure that shit is ok wit RZA too (btw, where the fuck is RZA???)...

Much like Noah My arch of hate comes in pairs.

I know I already had a hate blog for this week, but then something it me. Whats with all these silly women making silly music these days. First off lets take it back to last year and speak on Cassie for a minute. I know some of you may say why kick someone while they are down considering how her career is pretty much over...well kicking people while they are down is one of my favorite pastimes, not doing so would be unamerican and I consider myself a patriot of sorts. On top of all that its much easier to kick someone down when they are on their knees then when they are standing up. It hasn't quite made the press in the way that I thought it would but Cassie is disgusting. I'm sure many of you remember her hit " Me and U", well I'm surprised to find that so many people never heard about the truth behind that song. It was reported that the song is about...well I think in the interest of good taste for the first time I will beat around the bush. When the song came out it was reported that Cassie was coming out and proclaming herself as a ceritified head doctor. When asked about whether this was true or not. I've heard mixed reports that pretty much fall in the area of either its totally true, or I cannot confirm or deny if that is what my song is about. Wouldn't most girls deny something like that unless they were just a total smut bucket? The uncut original version of her video is suggestive to say the least, and when you listen to the lyrics with a new perspective Cassie's lewinski like talents take on a life of their own.

I hate Nick Cannon for a reason you won't care about but too bad for you

In case you didn't know Nick Cannon sucks. You cannot hate on his hustle, dude is making paper hand over fist. The question I raise is why people continue to give him such massive amounts of guap. Like it boggles my mind. Have you seen "Underclassmen"? I'm sure there are 13 year old boys who have wet dreams with better plot lines and dialogue. And how could we forget "Love Don't Cost a Thing". I watched that with my mom once, she cracked a smile and I haven't been able to look at her the same since.

His rap game is just terrible. I know he has been quoted as saying he wants to be the next Will Smith. Well Nick, I personally only know one person who likes Will Smith's lyrical talents. I don't want to put him on front street and expose him for the sucker that he is. So Let's just call him Mitch. He is my former best friend...I say former because I just remembered the kid likes Will Smith and I cannot handle that.

Finally what really sent my hate over the edge... Nick Cannon ruined the sequel to the last good sports movie to come out in quite sometime. I'm a huge soccer fan which in large can be attributed to Eric Cantona the former France and Manchester United superstar who really drove me to the game. I will never forget when he ran to the stands and drop kicked a fan in the chest. Forget Ron Artest, Cantona's hate and agression was unparralled. He is still my hero, and I aspire to drop kick some random asshole in the chest someday just like he did. There is a movie called Goal II: Living the dream about this Mexican American who ends up playing pro soccer overseas. It has all real players in it, Beckham, Zidane, Ronaldo, Villa, Rivaldo, Theirry Henry, list goes on. like its phenomenal. So imagine how pissed I was when NICK bleeping CANNON shows up in the final game as Arsenals Best player. Seeing his mug suddenly appear on the screen felt much like getting kicked in the nuts. Like I wasn't expecting it, and I damn sure didn't ask for it, why would I? I was minding my own business. then all of a sudden WHAM! Nick Cannon bends one like Beckham straight into my crotch. If you remember when Nick had that stupid Mohawk, he grew it for this film. It hasn't hit the states yet, they are timing the release with Beckhams take over of the U.S. this summer. Don't ask how I've seen it, but I have and it made me hate Nick Cannon even more.

So This is His Secret Weapon?

As you may have already heard, 50 Cent has dropped the official first single from his forthcoming album entitled, ahem, Curtis. Mr. Jackson premiered the joint last week on MTV's Sucka Free, and now the full version is floating around the net. Now I should say upfront that I have pretty low expectations for any G-Unit release, but even I am disappointed with this garbage. Fif's new single is called "Amusement Park," but it could just as easily be called "Candy Shop 2," or better yet, "Magic Stick Part 3." Instead of welcoming females to his candy shop, here 50 invites them to his amusement park, taking the opportunity to describe in detail the rides' "up and down" motion. I don't know about you, but I feel nauseous already.

I know Mr. Jackson gets lots of props for his business acumen, but let's be real, Curtis has been fuckin' up lately. With G-Unit in shambles (Banks flopped, the Mobb flopped, Olivia got dropped, Hot Rod and Spider Loc are NEVER coming out), you'd think 50 would come hard as hell this time around, taking it upon himself to prove his label is still a force and as "gorilla" as it used to be. And it seemed like that's what he was gonna do. He stated repeatedly in interviews that he was going back to the grimier style of Get Rich or Die Tryin' (which I never thought was that hot to begin with) and dipping into old soul music for his beats. But then, inexplicably, he changed his album title from "Before I Self-Destruct" (Before, Fif?) to the ridiculous "Curtis," essentially handing the beef to Cam'ron, and instead of dropping a grimy first single hit us with this pussy-ass for-the-ladies shit.

I've been waiting a long time for the G-Unit backlash to occur (karma is a bitch, huh boys?) but I gotta admit I almost feel sorry for old Curtis. Yeah, he'll probably go platinum a couple times, but I have a feeling this album is gonna mark the end of his industry reign of terror. In the words of Abraham Lincoln, you can fool some of the people all of the time, and you can fool all of the people some of the time, but you can't keep dropping the same mediocre bullshit over and over and expect people to keep caring. GGGG-UNOT, bitch.

Why Does Swizz Beatz Have A Career?!?!?!?!?

Can somebody explain to me why the hell Swizz Beatz has a career? Like seriously, am I the only person on the planet that realizes he's been makin' the same beat for a decade? How many more tambourines, whistles, handclaps, f***ing bells and casio horns can you put in a damn beat? I mean a lot of ppl make throwaway music, but when I heard that Swizz is responsible for about 92 million records sold, that made me realize that two different factions of ppl are idiots: the artists and the consumers. Wait, I guess I can't go too hard on the artists because they give the people what they want, so if they're askin' for this bullshit, then that's what they gonna get.

So with that bein' said, if you supported a Swizz Beatz produced track past 1998, you're a f***ing idiot. He has successfully G'd you by knowin' that he can give the same track he had for DMX in '99 to Cassidy and your dumb ass won't know there is no difference.

Mind you as I'm writin' this I'm listenin' 2 Beyonce's "Upgrade U". I guess I'm a f***ing idiot too...

Give This Man His Props

One thing that's different about Bay Area radio (at least in comparison to LA) is that we support our artists. If you're ever up North, turn your dial to 106.1 and I guarantee you'll hear a multitude of local rappers that get absolutely no play outside the region, such as Turf Talk, The Federation, Frontline, San Quinn, Messy Marv, Richie Rich, Keak da Sneak, The Team, Ya Boy, and (pause for breath) the Ambassador of the Bay himself, E-40 Fonzarelli. Now I've been a fan of 40 for years, and I have great respect for his hustle, his energy and his endlessly inventive slang, but while I was in the Bay last week I was reminded of another of his talents: the guy has the ability to make any bad song enjoyable. Some E-40 purists have decried Earl's readiness to jump on any song in hopes of expanding his audience, but I for one am grateful that when a shitty song comes on the radio (ala Lil' Scrappy's "Oh Yeah") I know it'll be listenable at least for the duration of 40's cameo. Case in point is the remix of Dallas rapper Tum Tum's "Cadillac Muzik," which I was lucky enough to hear while I was ridin' in my scraper (OK, my minivan) last week.

Tum Tum - Caprice Musik (Remix) feat. E-40 & Rick Ross

Now, Caprice Musik is not a good song. Its beat is almost criminally simple, and Tum sure doesn't help anything with his nonsensical raps and background yelps. (And don't get me started about this video.) Nevertheless, when 40 jumps on the song—dare I say this—it actually gets good. Its minimalism becomes a strength, you notice that it kinda knocks with the bass up, and you find yourself hanging on 40's every word as he totally dominates the track. Then Ross comes in and you're right back at mediocrity. When you really think about it, it's a pretty remarkable phenomenon. Dude is so engaging that production becomes almost a non-issue. That's pretty crazy in a genre where the caliber of a rapper's beats can make or break his career (hold your head up, Canibus.) So if you're not gonna respect 40 for his self-made status, his commercial relevancy at age 39 (!), or his never-ending support for his region, at least give the man some credit for bringing integrity to even the wackest of songs. As commercial rap continues to go to shit, we need more rappers like 40 to soothe our suffering ears. Somebody get him on the "Lip Gloss" remix, quick!

...

Bonus: Two other garbage joints made brilliant by 40 appearances. The second one's a couple years old.

DJ Unk - 2 Step (Remix) feat. T-Pain, E-40 & Jim Jones

Trillville - I'm Pimpin' feat. E-40

Free Music?

So, I'm not the most technologically advance guy in the world, but that does not mean I can't take advantage of technology when I find it. Especially when it's free.

FREE.

So, there's the fly ass site.

esnips.com

I don't know why it works, but you download music right off the site. It's really fast. And i've yet to not find a song that I wanted on there.

You have to register (2 minutes) and the world is yours.

If someone wants to explain why this works, just let me know... but honestly, I don't really care.

and YOU'RE WELCOME.

Unlike christmas, somtimes the hate blog comes early

Paul Wall is so incoherent in his raps he makes me wish I was as stupid as he is. If I was I imagine my life would be a lot less complex. I would chase "boppers" all day and "post up" on whatever I could find. After that I would prolly eat a sandwhich, do a duet with Brooke Hogan, shine my grill and pass out. Once upon a time I liked Paul Wall. His elementary style and southern drawl was appealing...at first. Then I decided to figure out what he did after he posted on the block like mail boxes, road signs, and whatever else he saw around. Soon after my opinion changed drastically.


"Tippin 4's like a waiter, beware of the o'raser,
Wide Screen Mind frame, I'm panoramic pimpin
I'm sippin on dat Osama, baby leanin like im limpin'"

What the HELL. First this is nonsense. Second, since when did alcoholic beverages get named after terrorists? aren't we constantly on orange, yellow, or mahogany alert these days? shouldn't crap like that not be allowed? not only is Paul stupid, he is a Benedict Arnold. And just so we are clear, I'm not implying it, I'm saying it! Paul Wall supports terrorism, and if you like him so do you.

Paul, funny thing is I liked your elementary raps! you know when you rapped and read at a 2nd grade level. Granted you were still the slowest kid in the class, and practically had one foot on the short bus, but hey whose to tell you that you can't go be somebody right? This drivel is repugnant. I hope JD gave you the plastic safety scissors to cut this out of your My Little Pony binder before you went into the booth. Wouldn't want you gettin hurt to the point where you could never write a rap again, or would we?

"I'm in the hood like wig shops
Look close I ain't hard to spot
I'm right there at that gambling spot"......and of course my favorite lines of all

"I sit down like a chair, I look good like combed hair"
or
" I'm chas'n broads like a lesbian "

I won't force you to make up your mind, choose for yourself. I don't know about you, but these two lines in particular nearly ruptured my cerebellum. Before any of you sensitive Nancy boys want to get on me for being "mean" pull your panties out of your ass and know this. All these lines were arbitrarily chosen from random Paul Wall songs. I didn't seek out his absurd preschool, nonsensical, ramblings they found me. We played tag, Paul was it, and I lost every time. I challenge you to look up any Paul Wall song. Blind fold yourself and where your finger stops, start reading. your IQ will drop a minimum of five points. If it doesn't then obviously you're a terrorist.

How Coachella Made Me Scared For Hip-Hop (Or, “Is hip-hop dead?” Revisited: Evolution vs. Unintelligent Design.)

This weekend I had the extraordinary experience of attending days two and three of Coachella, the premier festival on the West Coast for music.

In past years the festival has included acts as diverse as Madonna, James Brown, KRS-One, Ben Harper, Daft Punk, The Cure, and Wolfmother. This year, some think that Coachella “got back to its roots” by filling their set list with dozens of indie and alternative bands, spearheaded by a reunion performance by Rage Against the Machine. As a result, the crowd was fairly monolithic: hippies and indie kids with a dash of Rage. A lineup of The Arcade Fire, Kings of Leon, Hot Chip, Of Montreal, Bjork, and The Good, The Bad & The Queen reads more like a college radio playlist than an all-encompassing music festival.

Hip-hop got a little bit of representation. I initially circled all the hip-hop groups slated to perform, and the weekend looked pretty solid on the rap front: Brother Ali, DJ Shadow, El-P, Busdriver, Pharoahe Monch, Ghostface Killah, Lupe Fiasco, and The Coup graced the lineup, culminating in a showing by The Roots on Sunday. I didn’t make it to all of the above—after all, I was there to see new bands and styles—but I was shocked at the overall feel I got from the two predominant hip-hop shows I did see: Pharoahe Monch and The Roots.

Neither act was tainted by the usual suspects; the quality of the music was top-notch, and even the 95% rock-oriented, white crowd showed proper love. But both Pharoahe and The Roots, amidst delivering dope shows, played off of the tired ‘hip-hop is dead’ maxim, and pleaded to the audience to support their quest to ‘keep hip-hop alive.’ Each artist said almost the same exact thing, and I quote near-verbatim, “They say that hip-hop is dead. That’s what they’re saying but we’re working our hardest to keep it alive.”

Now, Nas aside, who else really thinks that hip-hop is dead or dying? Rap-loving geezers have been declaring their beloved form of hip-hop extinct since ’93 in what seems to be a trend of nostalgia for movements within hip-hop that resonated deeply for certain generations. Thirty-somethings long for the days of LL Cool J and Run DMC; others insist on keeping A Tribe Called Quest or KRS-One records on steady rotation in the Walkman; still others cling to the poetry of Tupac. All of them are justified in loving the breed of hip-hop they love. All of them, though, are also short-sighted, self-righteous and dogmatic grandpas who should give an open mind to hip-hop’s evolution.

I guess Murs said it best on the Felt 2 track “The Biggest Lie”: “The problem with hip hop? Shit nothing at all / It's an art form, it ranges, and it changes and evolves / It's not always for the better, but be patient with it ya'll, / ‘Cause our time will come and the wicked will fall." Melle Mel recently called hip-hop “stagnant,” and he does have a point. Nobody, as he argues, will ever be as influential to hip-hop as Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. But does that mean that hip-hop is dead? Dying? Absolutely not. It simply means that the founders of a movement are always the most influential actors in its progression. They set the original rules and traditions for others to experiment with. But creative evolution within that original framework can’t be denied as progress.

Most upsetting about the assertion that hip-hop is dead, especially on the part of The Roots, is the effect it is bound to have on hip-hop’s public image. Remember that this crowd assembled to see indie rock acts, and is probably fairly ignorant to hip-hop. Given this demographic, how is it useful to essentially beg the audience to save rap? They gave the impression that hip-hop, which as far as I’m concerned is still healthy and well, is melting away hopelessly like the ice-caps. I felt like a volunteer at a desperate charity event.

They might as well have just accepted their own inconvenient truth, alienated all their fans and played indie rock instead of their own material. In fact, Black Thought and gang got pretty close, playing a total of three or four actual Roots songs buried in an entertaining but confusing stew of covers ranging from Mims’s “This Is Why I’m Hot” to Kool & the Gang’s “Jungle Boogie” for most of their set. I’m told they did the same thing when they performed at USC, but I’ve seen them several times at their own billings when they’ve stuck to strictly Roots material. Why do they feel the need to appropriate their shows for white audiences? It cheapens them and it cheapens hip-hop.

Props to the sound team at Coachella for making every act crystal clear and balanced. It was by far the best sound quality at any show I've attended.